she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
