What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
