Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
