I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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