if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
