Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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