you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
