a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
