Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
