I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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