hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I smell stomach acid.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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