We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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