She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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