At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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