I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
