I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
