I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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