you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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