Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
