lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
