she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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