Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
