Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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