I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize