Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
