i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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