He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
