He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
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