I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
