I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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