idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
