so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Houston, we have a blender
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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