also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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