Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
