the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
