So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
