Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like iHOP with fire
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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