Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
