My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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