some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
