Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
