i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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