Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
