I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
