I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
