I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
