So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
