i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
