You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
