You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
