there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
