What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
