Ambien. No doubt about it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
