Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
