i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
