all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
