How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
