you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
