There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if only i could text you this smell
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
