Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
