Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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