please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
