you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
