the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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