Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
