Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
