i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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