Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
