Dude i fell asleep inside of her
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse