So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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