Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.