I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year