May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird