you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.