Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS