She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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