I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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