its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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