I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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