He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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