I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
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