can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
