If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
